my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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