all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
