Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize