this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
