i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
