It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
