you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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