He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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