I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
