i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
