the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
