(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
