well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
