I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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