You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
