i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
