Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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