omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She announced her abortion via fbk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
