just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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