First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
