you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
