you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
