So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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