I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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