in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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