just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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