i just google imaged poop.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
