Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
