drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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