This is not my ceiling
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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