WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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