I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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