Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
