If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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