He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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