This is not my ceiling
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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