the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So many bounce houses so little time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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