i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my phone needs a breathalizer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
