When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
