can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
