I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
