Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
