I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
