Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
