theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
