wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
