the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
