drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
