You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
