Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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