every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
