woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
