just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
