I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
