Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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