Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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