WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
