I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
