I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
