Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
