YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
