The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
