It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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