chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
