We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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