I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
