Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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