Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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